Sep 11 , 2021
What makes a great relationship is being experts on each other.
You are different, always were, always will be. So, what makes you great as a couple is the ability to know, accept, appreciate, and work with the differences.
The similarities, the good stuff, that’s easy. No-one ever comes to me seeking help on how good things are!
Now, you might think you know your partner, but do you really? More likely your concept of your partner is a mix of how they were when you met (a time when you probably did pay a lot of attention) and your interpretation of who they are based on who you are…
Never assume you know your partner. You don’t. Keep paying attention and being curious. Keep discovering each other. You are endlessly fascinating. The more you each understand yourself and the other, the better you will understand your dynamic and be able to continuously co-create a secure, engaged relationship (or jointly and amicably agree to end it if it’s done its time).
Don’t make the other wrong. They are just different. The way you are, the way you see the world is not ‘right’, it’s just familiar, so it feels ‘normal’. But there is no ‘normal, we’re all individuals with individual histories and life experiences which have created a unique individual in the present moment, and one that will continue to be created throughout your whole life. You can never know a person fully, you can never know your partner fully, hey, you can’t ever know yourself fully!
So, how do you know your partner, really? You need to pay attention, you need to be curious, you need to ask, you need to listen and you need to reflect back to show that you’re hearing and understanding.
This is actually very hard to do. It’s hard to understand another person’s reality, how they experience the world. That’s in part because it’s hard to express it. You need time to do this well. You need to sit down together, look at each other, and take it in turns to talk and listen and ask and inquire to gather more information and to help each other express yourselves. Stay curious and open-hearted. You love each other and want to know each other more.
Then keep finessing that awareness, keeping on modifying and expanding your awareness of each other, keep co-creating a relationship that weathers the inevitable challenges of life and enables you to appreciate and enhance all the good stuff!
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