Oct 03 , 2021
If you think that buying sexy lingerie is for turning men on, then think again, for you have it all backward.
Buying and wearing beautiful lingerie isn’t about guys. There is a lot more to it than just trying to provide some eye-candy to any male who is lucky enough to see you in it.
It’s about being powerful. It’s about claiming our own sexuality. It’s about feeling sexy, not just looking it. It’s about women turned on by our own existence.
There is empowerment in wearing comfortable underwear. It says loud and clear that we refuse to comply with the expectations that the societal beauty standards are pushing onto us. It claims that a woman can be sexy without lace and silk. And it’s true! Our sexuality doesn’t come from silk or lace, it can be embraced just as much in plain cotton panties.
But just because something is sexy, it doesn’t need to mean that it is uncomfortable. It doesn’t need to mean that we are doing it to please others. It doesn’t have to be associated with self-objectification.
Sexy lingerie can also mean that we embrace out sexual self — and this self can be highlighted by silk, lace or cotton just as much. It can be an act of self-care and a confession, that we get turned on by ourselves, that we allow ourselves to feel sexy or even sexier in pretty bras and tiny panties.
The case for not wearing it can stem from:
discomfort (They are uncomfortable, why should I put myself through it?),
relationship status (I am single, no one sees it, so why bother? or My husband stopped caring years ago…),
or even low self-esteem (I don’t look like a Victoria’s Secret model, I don’t want to look ridiculous.).
But you have it figured out wrong. How you feel about yourself is more important than your relationship status or your internalised distorted beauty standards. Your feelings about yourself extend you into the world that surrounds you. And marvelling at your own body and getting turned on by yourself is a great way to present yourself to the world too.
What you wear and what you look like will affect how you feel about yourself
It has nothing to do with the images coming from the media. It was Procter&Gamble first who came up with the consumer insight of “having a bad hair day”. A consumer insight is a typical mindset that is present in a certain target audience, depicting feelings, beliefs and motivations — and it is one of the most powerful ways to craft a relatable brand message. P&G conducted consumer surveys and realised that having a bad hair day can ruin women’s days. It’s not always about having luscious waves of hair, it is about feeling good about ourselves — affected by a banality.
Women can easily relate to bad hair days and good hair days, but also bad skin days and good skin days — knowing fully well how a certain, seemingly insignificant body part can affect our whole days. When you have a good hair, good skin, good boob day (as heard it from
), the difference is like day and night.
Studies have even shown that wearing a Superman T-shirt under your shirt when going for job interviews will boost your confidence and increase your chances to bring the best out of yourself. It’s invisible, but just knowing that it’s there is already a great help.
Why not to play on our self-set expectations by helping us feel sexier just with the help of sexy lingerie. It doesn’t need to be expensive and no one else needs to know about it either. It is a secret confidence booster that can affect how we behave, how our posture is, how we talk and how we smile.
The goal is to impress yourself, and by that you will impress the world too — without that latter being the goal at all.
Choosing the right size will make your clothes fit better
It’s incredible really, but a whopping number of women are wearing the wrong size bra. In a study conducted by Women’s Wear Daily it is shown that 64% of women wear the wrong size bra and 30% are fully aware of it. And they are unhappy about it — as it is admittedly influencing how they feel about their own bodies, regardless of anyone seeing them in their bras or not.
In some cases it is because of the cost, but in lots of cases it is about not caring enough about it — for the above mentioned reasons: no one else cares about it or believing that it won’t get any more comfortable anyway.
Also, some women choose the size that they believe they have, without giving a try to a bigger or smaller size or cup. Old habits die hard, but checking your current size and change if it has to be changed should be a regular thing to do.
Finding the fitting bra won’t only give your better boob days, but it also highlights the rest of your body and can help with your posture.
Feeling sexy comes after feeling comfortable — and a good fitting bra can do both. Choose the right size and choose the right type too — that is fitting your boobs best. Maybe you don’t even need push-up, maybe a simple triangle shape would make you look your best — but if you never try you will never know.
The same applies to panties. The good thing that you can find sexy panties in literally any size, so you can avoid the feeling of cutting into your skin. A pair of well-fitting panties will look better than a pair that is one size too small. Forget about the numbers on it, no one will ever know it. Choose one to look good on you — the sizes are deceitful and frustrating anyway.
Pretty underwear can help you feel more feminine
If you are a woman in business, you are more than likely dressing up in a slightly masculine way. For authority, credibility and to avoid having your professional attitude discredited by your looks. We hide our femininity in trousers, suits and jackets, or if it’s more business casual then in jeans and turtlenecks. It can still look feminine, but it is highly recommended not to overdo the fluffy, lacy, flowery wear if you want to be taken seriously.
I would advocate for wearing whatever you feel feminine in, but as a woman in business I fully get that it’s not always as easy and if you dress to impress in a business way it might bring some compromises on the feminine features of your outfit.
Wearing sexy underwear can even out your suppressed femininity and you can fight your battles without anyone knowing about it. You can still wear lingerie to secretly protest against the expected dress code. And use the invisible power of lingerie to give you just the feminine boost you need even when you are wearing a shirt and jacket.
Pretty can feel good
Did your mother even tell you to wear matching underwear in case you get into an accident and it will be seen? Mine did. But this is not why I believe in wearing matching bras and panties — I wear it because it looks nice getting dressed.
But it’s not just about how it looks, it’s also about how it feels.
You don’t need to overdo with the lacy, complicated panties and bras to feel sexy. You don’t need to choose a thong to express your self-care. Cotton-based underwear can look pretty too, and then you don’t need to choose between pretty or comfortable. There is a whole universe of pretty panties out there where you don’t need to compromise.
And don’t diss the empowering feeling of certain fabrics. Silk can feel exquisite on your skin, and the way how a pair of nice stockings caress your skin can be a real turn on. Lacy bras used to be itchy but you can find variations where a layer of cotton is touching your skin and the lace is just for the looks.
Image licensed from Canva
Your sexy lingerie starter pack
If you are not into sexy lingerie, for any of the reasons above, then I would suggest trying it out — with taking baby steps.
Choose the basic colours and get a matching bra and panties of each. My go-to colours are black, white, nude and red. I don’t buy any other colour, in fairness I don’t allow myself to shop impulsively, for that will end up in the bottom of my drawer.
Choose the right size and check it with the staff at lingerie stores. Trust their expertise and don’t be shy about asking for help.
Choose the right shape for both bras and panties. Don’t assume anything, and try even those that you don’t think would be a good fit. You might get surprised, let it surprise you.
Build your lingerie stocks one by one. Start with one set and then if you like the feeling buy another pair of matching panties. And then another one. Until you end up having a whole array of matching bras and panties. It also helps with the decision anxiety. If you know that whichever panties you are reaching for will be matching with the same colour bras, it makes getting sexy very easy.
Buy something out of your comfort zone and try it on for yourself. It can be stocking and suspenders, a pair of fishnet tights or crotchless panties. (Oh this latter is extremely sexy, with or without having sex in it.)
Don’t ever apologise or downplay dressing up nice. If you are not a “sexy-lingerie-gal” and you suddenly decide to try some, don’t try to downplay it. Don’t ever say it’s not really your style, don’t let anyone’s surprise discourage you.
Throw out your worn out panties. Please. Or sell them on the internet of you are up for that. It’s better to have a few nice ones than having to dig deep into your drawer to find finally something that you will feel nice in.
Use lingerie shopping as self-care. Use it as a way to celebrate your own femininity. reward yourself, even if no one else will ever see it.
Try its uplifting power on a bad day. Put some sexy lingerie on and check yourself out in the mirror. Focus on the pretty parts and keep looking at yourself until you can find something sexy and attractive about yourself.
As a final step, take pictures of you or go to a boudoir photoshooting. It is extremely empowering and feels good.
And remember one thing!
It’s for you, not for anyone else. If it turns on anyone else, that’s great, but it’s just a side-effect. Lingerie can be more than eye-candy. It is you turning yourself on. And what more validation do you need if you start your day by being fully aware of your own sexual powerfulness?